Dear Mr. Ex President Clinton:
I recently saw a bumper sticker that said, "Thank me, I voted for
Clinton-Gore." So, I sat down and reflected on that, and I am sending my
"Thank you" for what you have done, specifically:
1. Thank you for introducing us to Jennifer Flowers, Paula Jones, Monica
Lewinsky, Dolly Kyle Browning, Kathleen Willey, and Juanita Broderick. Did I
leave anyone out?
2. Thank you for teaching my 8 and 9 year old children about oral sex. I
had really planned to wait until they were older to discuss it with them,
but now they know more about it than I did as a senior in college.
3. Thank you for showing us that sexual harassment in the work place
(especially the White House) and on the job is OK, and all you have to know
is what the meaning of "is" is. It really is great to know that certain
sexual acts are not sex, and one person may have sex while the other one
involved does NOT have sex.
4. Thank you for reintroducing the concept of impeachment to a new
generation and demonstrating that the ridiculous plot of the movie "Wag the
Dog" could be plausible after all.
5. Thanks for making Jimmy Carter look competent, Gerald Ford look
graceful, Richard Nixon look honest, Lyndon Johnson look truthful, and John
Kennedy look moral.
6. Thank you for the 73 House and Senate witnesses who have pled the 5th
Amendment and 17 witnesses who have fled the country to avoid testifying
about Democratic campaign fund raising. Thank you, for the 19 charges, 8
convictions, and 4 imprisonment's from the Whitewater "mess" and the 55
criminal charges and 32 criminal convictions (so far) in the other "Clinton"
scandals. Wonder what this cost us, the taxpayers?
8. Thanks also for reducing our military by half, "gutting" much of our
foreign policy, and flying all over the world on "vacations" carefully
disguised as necessary trips.
9. Thank you, also, for "finding" millions of dollars --- I really didn't
need it in the first place, and I can't think of a more well deserving group
of recipients for my hard-earned dollars than jet fuel for all of your
globe-trotting. I understand you, the family and your cronies have logged in
more time aboard Air Force One than any other administration.
10. Now that you've left the White House, thanks for the 140 pardons of
convicted felons and indicted felons-in-exile. We will love to have them
rejoin society. (Not to mention the scores you pardoned while Governor of
Arkansas)
11. Thanks also for removing the White House silverware. I'm sure that
Laura Bush didn't like the pattern anyway. Also, enjoy the housewarming
gifts you've received from your "friends."
12. Thanks to you and your staff in the West Wing of the White House for
vandalizing and destroying government property on the way out. I also
appreciate you removing all of that excess weight (China, silverware, linen,
towels, ash trays, soap, pens, magnetic compass, flight manuals, etc.) out
of Air Force One. The weight savings means burning less fuel, thus less tax
dollars spent on jet fuel. Thank you!
13. And finally, please ensure that Hillary enjoys the $8 million dollar
advance for her upcoming "tell-all" book and you, Bill, the $10 million
advance for your memoirs. Who says crime doesn't pay!
What a guy!!
SINCERELY,
A U.S. Citizen
PS. Please pass along a special thank you to Al Gore for "inventing" the
Internet, without which I would not be able to post this wonderful, factual
web page.
A taxpayer is a person who has the government on his payroll!
